He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
