I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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