I accidentally had phone sex last night
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And then he peed in my hair
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
