I just pynch a tree in the face
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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