We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
