you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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