ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
