I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
