If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
