It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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