Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
