He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
