I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
