I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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