the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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