I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
