I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
