you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she pinky promised me she was 18
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
