I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
