you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
