I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize