I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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