my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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