I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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