It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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