glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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