carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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