So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
