I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
