you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize