My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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