Umm I'm too high to move.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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