Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
