My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
two words...techno handjob
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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