I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
