wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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