it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
