Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
