Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
