You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
