there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
