Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
