dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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