I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
