Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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