I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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