I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
