I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize