my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
