doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
