Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
