considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
