Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
