is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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