Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize