I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize