I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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