Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
