I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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