...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
