i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
