I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
