yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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