U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
