Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize