normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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