yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
