I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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