He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I am available for nakedness
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
