He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
