Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize