Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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