Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
