just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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