You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
