Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
